What?!

As my final Youtube blog has arrived at long last, I feel the need to leave whoever it is that reads these things with something substantial and significant. So instead of trying to impart some sort of knowledge or teach some sort of moral lesson, I will simply tell you about the Youtube video that has had the biggest influence on my life, with the exception of, perhaps, only Bro Rape. The video that I speak of was created by The Whitest Kids U' Know, and is quoted very frequently by my friends and me. It is entitled Abe Lincoln, and it tells the true story about what happened at the Ford Theater on that fateful night.

The video opens with a contemporary version of "Hamlet" that is filled with bloodthirsty vampires being performed on stage. Othello soon falls prey to a vampire, causing Hamlet to pledge to "Rid this castle of the vampire scourge that has taken this fair city." However, while Hamlet's back is turned, Othello, now a vampire, gets up and creeps closer to Hamlet. Not to let the brave protagonist get bitten, good old Abraham Lincoln speaks up from his balcony seat. "Oh, no. Hamlet turn around. He turned into a vampire! He's gonna bite you! Oh shit! Hamlet! I can't watch this. Hey everybody, I can't watch this." John Wilkes Booth, seated on the lower level near the stage, takes offense to the president's ruining "Hamlet."

From the following argument between President Lincoln and Booth, my friends and I have derived many useful and fun phrases to use in everyday conversation. Here they are:

• Which one of y'all dead mother fuckers said that shit?
• Was it you string bean? Ya skinny ass lookin mother fucker?
• Turn around and say it again!
• Now you fucked up. Now you fucked up. Now you fucked up. You have fucked up now.
• Ya fat ass piece of shit. Ya tub of lard lookin mother fucker.
• I don't know why you lookin up here at me bitch. Play's on stage.
• Listen to the woman John. Calm down, just calm down.

All of these phrases were uttered by the late President Lincoln. And, after all of that, John Wilkes Booth just snapped and decided that the only course of action was for him to beat the president to death with a hammer. In the butt. If you can believe the wild story put forth by the Whitest Kids U' Know, Lincoln was actually hammered in the butt so much, that he died from being hammered in the butt. Apparently, historians decided that the truth was too embarrassing, so they made up a cover story to protect our young nation. Whether or not this is an accurate account of the events that unfolded that night, it is a very entertaining video that I would recommend just as highly as any.