Duke Tailgate

So far, I have focused on fairly well-known videos in my blog, but something happened this weekend that must be noted. I went to tailgate at Duke's home football game. I'm not sure who they played, but it honestly didn't matter. It is seriously the craziest thing that I have ever seen. And if you attack me for being a traitor or not having school spirit, you obviously never been lucky enough to go to a Duke tailgate yourself.

I'm going to apologize in advance for the poor quality of this video, but its erratic nature is actually well-suited for the occasion. That's because, in this unremarkable parking lot near Wallace Wade stadium, a world exists like none you've ever seen before. To give you an idea of what it's like, let me first describe the dress code: anything you want. Preferably something that you wouldn't mind getting ruined. Here are a few girls in typical tailgate garb on the walk over to the parking lot. You can tell that spandex and bright colors, including tie-dye, are favorites, but it wasn't uncommon to see people wearing leotards, tiger stripes, leopard print jump suits, or Halloween
costumes.

Bathing suits are highly recommended for guys, as well as a tolerance for showering in Busch light, because at some point you will have it poured on your head. If you're not into bathing suits, jerseys and basketball shorts also seemed to be popular. I saw all types of jerseys, from Duke football, to NBA teams, to little league recreation teams.

Unfortunately, I can't find any pictures of this event on the internet, so I am forced to supply my own. For this reason, I'm going to go ahead and share one that I'm actually in. You can't see my flowery bathing suit, but I guarantee to you that it's there. However, you can tell that everyone is a little damp, even though it wasn't raining. Unless, of course, you count the kind of precipitation that contains alcohol.

I highly recommend viewing the video because these pictures just don't do the tailgate justice. Even though it lacked a few of the traditional elements associated with tailgating, it wasn't any less spectacular. For instance, I didn't see a hot dog or hamburger all day, but surprisingly, no one seemed to care. And even more highly than I recommend watching the video, I recommend actually going and partaking in this phenomenon for yourself. Don't be like the girl in Cluck-U and say "yeah but it can't compare to our tailgates." You will only be laughed at by anyone who has been to one at Duke.

My New Haircut

"Not now chief, I'm in the fucking zone!" This line comes from "My New Haircut," which is one of my favorite Youtube videos, and possibly the most widely recognized of them all. As I am writing this, it has racked up 18,411,573 views on Youtube to date. Very impressive indeed.

Why has it become so well known? First of all because it is hilarious, and second of all because it makes fun of a fairly small group of people, so it's ok to laugh at them without feeling bad. And, although I don't think I've ever met a "guido," the egotistical Italians with too much hair gel portrayed in "My New Haircut," it would seem that their behaviors are greatly exaggerated to squeeze out as many laughs as possible. This also makes it more acceptable to laugh at these people because you can tell yourself "they can't really be like that."

At least as they appear in "My New Haircut," guidos are young and fit males who spike their newly cut hair and wear big, flashy sunglasses. Their shirts are unbuttoned to show off their chests, with collars popped because, to quote the video, "I'm the fucking man and everyone should know it." They believe they are superior to females, and that any members of the opposite sex who don't like their haircuts are "fucking skanks." Furthermore, they are superior to other members of the same sex, and they don't hesitate to start fights with anyone who looks at them the wrong way. Perhaps this is because they spend countless hours in the gym and they consume plenty of protein, muscle milk, human growth hormone, and power bars, not to mention steroids. As for steroids, they "eat that shit for breakfast, lunch and dinner." Finally, they can consume superhuman amounts of alcohol, mainly heineken and jagerbombs. Jagerbombs, in particular, seem to be their favorite, as they are purported to "shower in that shit."

But what is the point of all this? Why would anyone take their time and effort to put something as ridiculous as "My New Haircut" on the internet? I'm not sure, but I will attempt to give my best explanation. There is a certain branch of economics that is concerned with decision making - why people do what they do. These people, Utilitarians, would have you believe that people always act to maximize their utility - the satisfaction they derive from any activity. In this way, whatever you choose to do is that which yields you the most utility at any given time.

The question still remains, however. Why do people derive utility from posting pointless videos? Why aren't they having fun or doing something productive? The answer is, they are having fun and being productive. People enjoy making others laugh, and when over 18 million people have viewed your video, it's got to be pretty damn funny. So maybe that's why Youtube exists: to make people happy, and to make them laugh. Not only those who are entertained by these online videos, but also those who post them. I know that might seem a little far fetched, but it makes me happy to think of it that way. So to anyone who wants to argue with my proposed reason for the existence of Youtube, all I can say is "not now chief, I'm in the fucking zone."

Roofie Roulette

I hang out with a fairly diverse group of friends, but one thing that ties us together, whether we're runners, frat guys, southern boys, or debate kids, is that our major source of humor is gay jokes. Not that we pick on gay people by any means. Actually, I forgot to mention that my group of friends also includes a few who are openly gay. What I mean is that we pretend to be gay and then laugh about it.

One of my friends in particular is an all star at a game called gay chicken. If you do anything gay to him, he always does something back even gayer. The first one to get gayed out and step down loses. My favorite antic of his is when he holds hands with guys in public. This usually doesn't last long because most people don't have as high a gay threshold as he does, but it always has me cracking up. Especially when it's on a crowded street. Franklin for example.

There is this video on youtube that I really identify with because I have a suspicion that it was created by someone who is very like my friends. This video is called The Worst Drinking Game Ever. It begins with a bunch of guys sitting around playing drinking games. Then one of them suggests a new game called "roofie roulette." He then goes on to explain how the game is played: "I take out one of these little babies, like so. I drop it in a beer and we close our eyes, right? We shuffle the beers all over the fucking table so we don't know whose is whose. We drink ... loser passes out."

Surprisingly, the other guys seem to love this idea and they commence to playing. However, the game suddenly takes a turn for the worst. And worst in a gay way. The one who proposed the game also says that the losers who pass out should be raped because with roofies, rape is implied. The other guys dont like the idea at first, but for some reason, they go along with it. The video ends with only two guys left. The guy who suggested the game passes out and just as his friend is about to relieve him of his pants, he miraculously wakes up, along with the other two guys. As it turns out, it was all just a joke to see if the last guy would actually do it. And he was about to before everyone else sprang back to life, so that proves that hes a fag. Even though the other guys raped men.

While I do find this video to be hilarious, I don't want anyone to get the idea that me or my friends would actually try something this extreme, just for laughs. Or any other reason for that matter.

I Love Runners

This is my attempt to replicate Karl's style. Enjoy.

Running is a great thing. If you have been walking around campus, or any area where there is a high concentration of young adults, you have surely seen runners out getting exercise. Many of you may think these people are crazy for choosing to run, but, believe it or not, there are many great reasons to start running. I will explain exactly why I think everyone should be a runner.

• First of all, have you seen runners? They're fucking hot. Runners tend to be in great shape and have amazing legs, abs, everything. If you run, you will usually be a healthy person and it will show in your appearance. I don't think I could ever date a non-runner because it just wouldn't be the same.
• Need another reason to run? When you run, you can eat whatever you want. No more watching what you eat or going on worthless diets. Ice cream, pizza, burgers, and anything else will not cause you to gain an inch on your waistline because of the massive amounts of calories you burn while running. But isn't eating bad foods unhealthy? It doesn't matter. As long as you look like you're healthy, who cares if you're malnourished. I eat terrible when it comes to fruits and vegetables, but you would never know by looking at me. And to anyone who would say they are healthier or in better shape than me because I have unhealthy eating habits, I challenge you to a race. As long as it's over half a mile, I will win, effectively proving that I am in better shape.
• But running is boring and no fun, right? Wrong. Some of the greatest and funniest people are runners, and the best way to meet them is to run with them. Cross country practice often turns into a three hour affair because when so many awesome people get together they just can't stop having fun. You find things to do that aren't even remotely related to running, like making bombs with aluminum foil and toilet cleaner or throwing chairs off the top of stadiums. If you decide to take up running, be prepared for the best time you've ever had.
• What is the number one reason to be a runner? The shorts. Runners wear the shortest shorts possible, and it is fucking glorious. Brooks. Asics. Nike. They all make wonderful sorts that are very short indeed. You feel so sweet wearing these things and they show off your legs that are so muscular and toned from running all those miles. You feel great, you get tons of attention from members of the opposite sex, you don't get too hot, and old men laugh at you. Are those all great reasons to wear running shorts? Yes they are.

If you choose not to run, that's fine, but it's a choice you need to urgently reconsider because of all of the wonderful benefits that come with the running lifestyle. So I have two words for all of the non-runners who still aren't convinced: start now!

Youtube and its Promotion of Bros and Bro Culture

As we have seen a tremendous rise in internet technology over the past decade or so, people have interacted more and more by means of computers. One of the internet's most wonderful gifts that has come out of this shift is, in my opinion, the well-known website youtube.com. It is not uncommon for a person to post a video they have made on youtube so that they may share it with their friends, as well as anyone else who might stumble across it. By this method, I have come to view several of my own friends portrayed in various embarrassing, comedic, or even glorifying ways in youtube videos. While I myself do not (to my knowledge) appear in any of these videos, I can tell you that I'm a huge fan, and I'm not alone.

It would seem that everyone has seen a few youtube videos, and there are a few that everyone has seen, but only a small percentage of these could actually be called life changing. I don't mean in a way that is spiritually or philosophically revolutionary. That fare is pretty slim on youtube, unless you're of the sort that can identify with Hal Lindsey. I mean life changing in the sense that you see something that you incorporate into your lifestyle or take with you once you've logged off or shut down. For my group of friends in high school, the video that became a part of our everyday routine was Bro Rape.

"Bros" were what we aspired to be, and the bro rape video provided a concrete example of what bros were all about- "An eighteen to twenty-four year old male who wears birkenstock sandals, watches family guy, plays ultimate frisbee, and wears an upside-down visor or a baseball cap with a pre-frayed brim." Below is a picture of your typical bro.




They play game cube, drink natty ice, and listen to Jack Johnson, Incubus, and especially Dave Mathews. They seemed like the epitome of college students who were having the time of their lives while hanging out with their bros, and as we were all going to college in less than a year, so attempts to emulate these bros were numerous.

Before long, however, we saw the faults of bro-ing out all the time and we realized a need to just be ourselves. We abandoned our imitations of these wearers of abercrombie water polo shirts and entered college with a more individual sense of identity than we possessed when we were trying to just be bros.