My New Haircut

"Not now chief, I'm in the fucking zone!" This line comes from "My New Haircut," which is one of my favorite Youtube videos, and possibly the most widely recognized of them all. As I am writing this, it has racked up 18,411,573 views on Youtube to date. Very impressive indeed.

Why has it become so well known? First of all because it is hilarious, and second of all because it makes fun of a fairly small group of people, so it's ok to laugh at them without feeling bad. And, although I don't think I've ever met a "guido," the egotistical Italians with too much hair gel portrayed in "My New Haircut," it would seem that their behaviors are greatly exaggerated to squeeze out as many laughs as possible. This also makes it more acceptable to laugh at these people because you can tell yourself "they can't really be like that."

At least as they appear in "My New Haircut," guidos are young and fit males who spike their newly cut hair and wear big, flashy sunglasses. Their shirts are unbuttoned to show off their chests, with collars popped because, to quote the video, "I'm the fucking man and everyone should know it." They believe they are superior to females, and that any members of the opposite sex who don't like their haircuts are "fucking skanks." Furthermore, they are superior to other members of the same sex, and they don't hesitate to start fights with anyone who looks at them the wrong way. Perhaps this is because they spend countless hours in the gym and they consume plenty of protein, muscle milk, human growth hormone, and power bars, not to mention steroids. As for steroids, they "eat that shit for breakfast, lunch and dinner." Finally, they can consume superhuman amounts of alcohol, mainly heineken and jagerbombs. Jagerbombs, in particular, seem to be their favorite, as they are purported to "shower in that shit."

But what is the point of all this? Why would anyone take their time and effort to put something as ridiculous as "My New Haircut" on the internet? I'm not sure, but I will attempt to give my best explanation. There is a certain branch of economics that is concerned with decision making - why people do what they do. These people, Utilitarians, would have you believe that people always act to maximize their utility - the satisfaction they derive from any activity. In this way, whatever you choose to do is that which yields you the most utility at any given time.

The question still remains, however. Why do people derive utility from posting pointless videos? Why aren't they having fun or doing something productive? The answer is, they are having fun and being productive. People enjoy making others laugh, and when over 18 million people have viewed your video, it's got to be pretty damn funny. So maybe that's why Youtube exists: to make people happy, and to make them laugh. Not only those who are entertained by these online videos, but also those who post them. I know that might seem a little far fetched, but it makes me happy to think of it that way. So to anyone who wants to argue with my proposed reason for the existence of Youtube, all I can say is "not now chief, I'm in the fucking zone."